Coming Alive Practice

First off, I want to thank all of you that have sent messages and been so supportive through this process with Dave. I don’t know what I would have done without you and your incredible supportiveness and love. I thought I would share with you my coming back into (or I should say my struggle with) the physical part of yoga practice, and maybe you will join me if you have found that you are having the same struggle. I can’t emphasize enough that forcing ourselves is not the answer. There is a time, whether it be to take time to grieve or heal, when the body needs rest- and the mind needs to just be. I have been and am doing that. That said, for me the time is right to jump back in and start to move again - still listening to what is needed on a day to day (or minute to minute) basis. So what’s to lose?

Have you ever watched in awe as things come alive again in the spring? Every year my first inkling that spring was definitely not going to desert me was when the chives started to peak out from the earth - oh thank goodness - I could breath a sigh of relief. It seems that it all happens so all of the sudden - the trees are bare, we see the buds, and one day a month or so later they are full of leaves. I love watching the rhythm of the birds each day - they tend to feed at the same time of day - all together they suddenly come from out of nowhere and fill the feeders - then go back to nowhere until it is time again. If I have inadvertently let the feeders get empty, when I fill them again the birds are there within seconds. Were they just sitting out there waiting for me to put the food on the table? It never ceases to amaze me. Things in nature naturally move toward what they need - they respond to light, warmth, energy, sound, waves, air, danger, storms etc. the same as we do. They move toward food, they seek nourishment, they protect themselves when needed, they rest and close at night. These movements in the environment that may not even be perceptible to us cause a shift in direction, awareness, and responsiveness. To look at seeds growing in time-lapse video is like watching a baby bird opening it’s beak to receive food from the parent. It appears that they are not only looking upward and reaching, but interacting with each other. To look at plants move toward light is watching their responsiveness to what nourishes them. To watch their leaves fold as the day ends is watching them rest and rejuvenate. To watch them close in response to touch is watching them retreat and protect. And all of this in response to subtle and not so subtle environmental cues.

I am reminded of some lines from E. E. Cummings:

“somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond

any experience, your eyes have their silence:

in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,

or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me

though i have closed myself as fingers,

you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens

(touching skilfuly, mysteriously) her first rose…..”

(quoted from E.E. Cummings, Poems, 1923-1954)

I know that I, and probably most of us, sometimes underestimate this responsiveness to the unseen touches in our human experience. When we are in the midst of grief or feeling overwhelmed it is hard to see - we can feel stuck and abandoned as if there is nothing to guide us and give us stability. It is hard to see that we are responding to the skillful touch of the world with movement toward healing and health. But we are responding and being moved by the mysterious and skillful touches of the world around us - even though we may not realize it at the time- and only if we open ourselves to it. If we could watch ourselves over time in time lapse movies we could see where we had been in relation to where we are, and would take comfort in it. We could see the patterns that have movement and wisdom - we would see that they have direction. I love the words skillfully and mysteriously in E.E. Cummings poem. The universe is skillful and at the same time mysterious. We need to turn our heads, our ears, our eyes, our hearts in its direction - turn toward what offers nourishment and is stroking us awake, responding to the cues - that skillful and mysterious touch.

Beginning a physical yoga practice again after a somewhat long absence is one of those responses to the touch of the universe - something to turn toward for nourishment after hearing and feeling the call. At first it doesn’t seem that way - those aches and the tightness of a body that has contracted under the weight of stress and grief are discouraging and bring me to tears. Old injuries and a lack of physical openness could hold me back if I let them. In some ways I feel brittle, but much like reconstituting a dried chile in hot water to make it pliable, I know the breath will do the same for me. It is time to come alive - and I know that yoga works; if I let it it will coax me like a patient and loving partner. Hindsight I am sure will show me that, but for now I will just trust that it is true.

Check out this link to see some beautiful time-lapse photography of plants in motion and allow yourself to be amazed! http://plantsinmotion.bio.indiana.edu/plantmotion/movements/tropism/tropisms.html

I thought I would share with you my “coming alive” practice as it evolves. If you are someone that is just starting yoga or coming back after illness, injury, or a life trauma, these practices may help you get “back in the saddle again”. Or you just may need to take a break from a more vigorous practice and tune in to the skillful and mysterious presence in your life that is continually coaxing and urging. You can choose to do all or a portion of any part of this practice. This is not pre-planned, I am sharing with you sequences and practices as I do them on a daily or weekly basis - as they evolve and the practice molds itself to my circumstances. This practice allowed me to breath into tight and resistant hips and back. It allowed me to take it slow and follow the breath. The shapes of the postures gave me roots from which to unwind and massage the kinks and discomfort. It allowed me to explore how I might ease my body back into a receptive and responsive state. It allowed me to listen. It is slow and deliberate. I hope you will participate with me and comment if you like - I love company!

Love,

Donna

Week 1

Receptiveness

The first part of most yoga classes focuses on centering, or becoming receptive and opening to the body and mind and the practice. It is a time to let go and immerse ourselves into the acts of listening and responding. This is also the first step in the Balanced Yoga Model of Teaching which is taught to teachers in training. For me, my practice as a whole right now is focusing on this aspect. My body needs to become receptive again - it needs to learn to let go of the stress and protectiveness it has been holding on to over the time of Dave’s illness. It has been a protective time and one that required strength on another plane than physical - I was bracing myself each day. Even now in the throws of grief, that sometimes remains the focus. On a practical level it was a time that didn’t include much physical movement or exercise. So my focus right now is on opening myself to practice again and to life in general - being receptive even in light of the resistance in my body and my mind. I am not focusing on strength right now or trying to get back into wild postures - that will come with patience and receptiveness. Right now it is about turning toward what nourishes - in every aspect of my life. It is about bathing in the breath, allowing the breath to soak every tight and brittle aspect of my body/mind and giving it the opportunity to speak and show me what to do. We can’t push the river, we need to immerse ourselves in the flow of the current, move with it and be an active participant. This is about listening and receiving - it is about freedom and building or rebuilding trust in the body and the body in me. For me the postures are not something to do or achieve - the shapes give me different ways to explore rooting and the release of tension and tightness to massage and lengthen, to find space and fluidity - the posture shapes give me the leverage and tools to find the freedom and space in the body through release, not the other way around.

• Opening meditation

“Oh my body, my being, my life force - speak to me! Help me sense what is happening to you. Help me understand

why you couldn’t cope. Tell me what you need. Tell me what nourishes you, strengthens and protects you. Tell me

how we are going to make our way together, because alone, with my head, I haven’t succeeded and I don’t know

what to do anymore.” Anti Cancer, A New Way of Life, Dr. David Servan-Schreiber

Sit quietly on your mat - any seated position is fine but allow your tailbone to be heavy and the pubic bone to drop

toward the floor. Allow your legs to support the lift of the spine through their connection in the hip sockets. Feel their connection to

your spine and to the earth. Feel your arms snug in the shoulder sockets. Allow yourself to tune into how the breath is moving

through your body. Where does it feel like it can’t penetrate and soak your tissues? Where does is feel like it flows easily?

Allow your body to speak to you - what is tight and resistant - what is free? Give your body the freedom to speak -

to let you know what it needs and resist the urge to tell it what you think it needs. Listen - breathe.

• In your own time begin to undulate the spine - forward, back, sideways. Picture yourself as a piece of seaweed flowing with the current of the ocean. Don’t use your mind to tell you how to move - release into the current around you - let yourself be free in the

movement. Do this for several minutes - notice how, as you let yourself go, your movements become more fluid and less controlled.

After a few minutes, come back to an upright position and notice the freedom in your spine. Feel as if you are still seated in the ocean, but the current is gentle and you can release yourself into the support of the fluid around you.

* From your seated position with simple crossed legs, move forward into a forward bend and bring the forearms to the floor in front

of your top leg. If you need a prop or are on your fingertips this is fine. Bring the upper arms back against the leg. As you move into

the forward bend, keep the sitz bones rooted and glide the pelvis forward over the legs. Keep the spine long, chin and eyes soft. Allow the belly to hollow and move into the sacrum, allowing it to support the heart in its movement forward over the legs. Be very mindful of your breath. If there are spots that are tight, move slowly and move your breath into those areas. Fill the lower back with your breath and move it upward along the spine. Keep the spine deep in the body. Lengthen forward through the back of your neck. Hold for at least 10 breaths - stay aware - what is your body telling you? Can you remain attentive as if you were listening to the most important story you ever heard that could change your life forever? Can you remain still and listen? Repeat on the other side.

* Roll forward over your knees onto your hands and knees for table pose. Gently move back and forth into cat/cow moving from the tail and feeling each vertebrae catch the wave of the movement all the way through the neck and head last. Do this slowly - not fast. Let yourself drop into the awareness of the movement - feeling its minuteness as well as the largeness of the wave along the spine. Find the small wave within the large wave. Do several of these - however many feels right for you.

* Next, as you move into cow on the inhale, on the exhale move back into childs pose with the knees wide and big toes together. Go

back and forth with these movements several times - a short vinyasa. After several cycles, tuck the toes, lift the hips, and walk you

hands back to the feet to standing.

* Malasana - squat with feet together and knees wide. Let the head of the large leg bone move deep into the socket, groins deeps. Let the sacrum area relax and lengthen. Breath and listen. Hold this for a while (whatever feels good to you). When you are ready come to standing, lifting the hips and drawing the legs straight.

• Tadasana at the front of your mat. Stay in Tadasana, feeling your connectivity to the earth - feeling your weight. Allow your bones of your legs to root downward and your spine to become light and responsive. Feel the openness of the rib cage, the length of your neck and the softness of your eyes. Feel as if you are still immersed in the fluid around you to take the struggle out of your posture - let it be more of a letting than a forceful push.

• On an inhale lift the arms overhead- shoulder blades flush on the back, bones of the legs rooted into the earth. Begin this movement with the inhale and as you exhale bring the arms to prayer without losing your length. Listen, breath. Repeat this movement several times.

• On an exhale whenever the movement feels right for you, from extended mountain (arms overhead) fold forward into forward fold. Knees can bend, place finger tips on the floor or on the thighs. Inhale - extend the heart forward keeping the neck, chin, and eyes soft and the shoulder blades flush on the back. Repeat this several times.

• Moving back into Tadasana, inhale arms overhead and exhale into Utkatasana (chair pose), move the sitz bones back as if you were reaching for a chair. Inhale and move back to standing and exhale into Tadasana. Repeat this vinyasa several times.

• Inhale arms overhead, exhale into forward fold. Inhale and extend the heart forward and and exhaling take your left leg back into a lunge with knee on the floor. Keeping arms at your sides inhale and move deeper into the lunge, shoulders staying over the hips. Hold for several breaths. Note that when you move the pelvis forward, keep the tailbone long and the thigh bone back into the hamstrings - the belly stays hollow and moving into the sacrum as the pelvis as a whole moves forward toward your front leg. Bring hands to the floor and step back into down dog. Stay in down dog for several breaths, connecting your hands and feet to the floor so they can help lengthen the spine. Feel the openness of the side waist and the depth of the groins and armpits. Step the right foot forward and repeat the lunge on the other side, knee on the floor and arms at the sides. Be sure to stay for several breaths, listening, subtly adjusting and responding to the feedback of the body. On an exhale, bring the hands to the floor and step the left foot forward. Inhale and slide the heart forward and exhale into forward fold. Place hands on the hips and inhale to standing, exhaling hands to the heart in prayer.

• Repeat another round, and this time if it feels right for your body, in the lunge begin to arch back into a slight

backbend, still keeping arms at the sides. Remember to keep the thigh bone of the back leg back in the hamstrings

and to extend the backbend along the entire spine, lengthening through the back of the neck. Avoid arching only

from the lower back or lumbar spine. Repeat on both sides

• Triangle pose - please be sure to use props if needed. The hand on a block can be very useful Use the wall for

support if you are feeling unstable. Feel the strength and rootedness of the back leg - allow your legs to feed the

spine and help it extend. Feel their connection and your openness and willingness to listen. It can be frustrating if

you are coming back from an injury or illness to not feel as stable or sure in the most basic postures, but let yourself

explore the body’s communication and the sensations in the posture. Creating this receptiveness and openness is

key to trusting the body/mind again. Allow yourself to be supported in the fluid around you - immersing and

listening. Feel that undulation of the spine that you felt in your opening meditation and give it the freedom to

move. Stay for as long as feels right, not opting to let go too soon due to the sensations. Give yourself the

opportunity to listen and be open to what presents.

• Side Angle - taking a wide stance* turn one foot out 90º and the back foot in about 20º or so or have it parallel to

the back of your mat. Moving from the strength of the solidness of the back leg, bend the front so that your knee is

over the ankle. This is a great pose to do over the seat of an armless chair if you are unstable, giving you the ability

to explore the posture and work through issues in the hips while being stable and supported. Make sure not to let

the front knee turn in, keep it tracking over the toes. Repeat on both sides.

*For me right now, taking a wide stance and standing upright with the pelvis in neutral causes a lot of sensation due

to the psoas. I stay in this posture for a bit, lengthening and observing the movements of the pelvis over the head

of the leg bone - finding ease in the psoas and releasing tightness by doing very small pelvic tilts. I take particular note of breathing

into the belly and opening the groin area. I take the transition into the posture slowly as the hip joints are sensitive.

• Move back down to the floor, moving through a sun salutation if you like.

• Virasana - to tell you the truth, this used to be an easy posture, but it was a killer today! Allow yourself to elevate

the spine to make the stretch easier if your body is resistant. You can also do this one leg at a time. Breath and try

and relax the lower back. See what happens as the body relaxes and lets go.

• Cobra - coming to your belly on the floor and strongly rooting through the feet and legs. The inner thighs roll toward the ceiling and the lower back stays broad. The tail bone and pubis reach toward the heels. Have the hands somewhat in front of the shoulders, the elbows slightly off the floor and elbows pointing straight back. Upper arm bones move to the back body and the should blades are flush on the back, tips dipping into the body. Keep the head and neck neutral. Out of the solidness of the legs, begin to move the heart forward through the arms, the arms being used for support and not to push yourself upright. Feel as if your hands were trying to drag back toward your feet while pressing into your mat. Notice where you are becoming rigid, notice where you feel the most sensation and breath into that spot. Allow the spine to be fluid - feel every vertebrae free as you move the wave upward toward your head. Explore for several breaths and release on an exhale. Do several times - notice the lengthening along the front side of the body, through the hips and the front of the spine.

• Down Dog

• Janu Sirsasana - come to a seated position with one leg folded into a ½ baddha konasana (cobblers pose) and the other straight. Extend through the heel of the straight leg, but don’t let it come off the floor, keep it rooted. The pubis should reach toward the floor, the lower back long and you should be sitting forward on the sitz bones. The buttock flesh should move toward the floor. If you cannot keep the sacrum moving into the body, work here until you can sit upright without strain. Come forward between the two legs if you are torqued while turning toward the straight leg. This posture is very similar to revolved triangle, the spine should be long and the sacrum area square. Let yourself work where you are - let yourself listen and observe. Remember - we want to hear what the body has to say, not force our will on it. Do both sides.

• Simple twist - sit on one hip with knees to the side and together. Gently twist to the direction the knees are pointing, being very mindful of the breath and how it informs your movement. Listen to the body - be skillful in your actions and observations. Repeat other side.

• Coming to childs pose, knees apart and big toes together. Use a bolster, pillow, or blanket under the chest for support if you like. Stay here to allow the body to relax and absorb.

• Savasana when you are ready.